While strolling

Every once in a while I'll pass by an interesting couple. They seem to have natural style, a coolness about them. Dashing Couples 101? They decided to keep it fresh, playful. There seems to be a lot of imagination going on between those two..and that's really sexy to me.

Friday nite yall

6pm --> I have this feeling in my stomach like I wanna rock out, go out, blast some music.

8pm --> I sit in this great gastropub with 6 other women, feeling pretty confident, and I start observing a woman that's waiting for her table with a fresh chilled glass of some delicious looking brew. It was a dirty blonde color. She was having what I so aptly described as "the first beer giggles". A feeling of silliness, your smile doesn't seem to bother your facial muscles, your shoulders relax, you have so much to say that in response to a less than interesting conversation. The jokes, the sarcasm, flowing freely, good-natured.

10pm --> Packed myself into bed, going to a recovery website to chat with strangers about my feelings. Very 1999.

Irresistible, not the gin though.

All wrong-doing arises because of mind. If mind is transformed can wrong-doing remain?

 - Buddha

her

Ah, womanhood. a bit trickier than I thought. 

I am going to my last day of Intensive Outpatient program at Haymarket tomorrow, very stoked, enthusiastic, knowing that if I need support I'll be in their system for at least the next 10 years so I can come talk to my counselor anytime.

Saw my darling friend Angella today, my creative juices rejoiced (she inspires me so) and my understanding of others increased, such effect that little woman has on me. Hanging with her today also indicates normalcy, my life outside of the recovery programs, because at times it becomes overpowering and I'm a 26 year old woman, and I still get silly. I don't get into trouble however. At least not because of a wet or hazy brain.

Yes…

Good people around

Balmy Summer nights

Mocktails

Letting go of guilt and shame, forgiving myself

Summer 2012

Actions before feelings

Until a couple of days ago I've been mentally torturing myself over step 3.
Never really thought of myself as a controlling person until I've entered recovery. It is very difficult for me to let go of people and situations, despite all the meditations, yoga poses, buddhist books I can explore. I'm learning, slowly.
At the beginning of working step 3 I experienced so much goddamn anger and frustration I thought I'd burst. But now I'm a little more calm, learning to trust that god(as i understand him) will guide me through times of worry or anxiety.
Thy will be done