Sometime in my early adult life I've acquired this "I'll show them" way of life. Be it binge drinking, binge smoking, or just generally exuding a completely erratic behavior that shocked even the most unpredictable of my peers, always 'one-upping' them. It is now that I see I've turned this motto to the straight - edge areas of my life. Job-wise, never completely satisfied, trying to win a competition with myself, or with what my parents thought I would do with my life. Unfortuately there is only a few people, my relatives excluded that really know me right now. It is not supposed to be a rebellious statement either. I'm just saying. The more I get to know myself, the less of a grip I have on what I'm capable of, what kinds of extreme situations I'm willing to handle without a complete meltdown. I have to pat myself on the back, I've been pretty fucking hardworking and patient, and even with my head in the clouds most of the time, I found myself to be quite persistent.
Reading Fran Lebowitz right now so I'll just end by quoting her: "Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds".

Here's to my new obsession, Emmanuelle Alt. One sexy underdog.

noise

gosh im just so tired. tired. tired.
want to hide.