start your day off right

2010 - this is how i feel

we shall toast this year with sparkling tea

we will be calm like we're by the sea

past 12 months have been about proportion

we got out of it a misanthropic distortion

we are at least in peace with ourselves.

let's find more people that feel alike

that don't necessarily ride a hipster bike.

that stay in touch with their needs

free from theatrical gestures and deeds.

meanwhile on damen

i might be completely mental but i believe a person, a human being should be completely happy. if one is not, one is not on the right path.
you gotta feel that zing in you, that waft of life,
you gotta feel something. I mean, that's the whole point of this life we live in right?
goodnight. and good luck :)

what it feels like for a pig

On this Thursday before Christmas, i find myself relishing a Depeche Mode Tour on tv, like the old days at Kinski [pub] - in Sopot. Well made pierogi, good nice crisp polish beer, thin long cigarettes, familiar faces, talking seems so fucking effortless. guess what - i dont have to filter myself through my translation. god it feels so good. to not have to be sarcastic about depeche mode or U2 because we all love it and we know why: because it's fresh, because it's the symbol of our parents' 20something freedom years to which we all yearn to compare our 20something years to.
Working overtime? Nah.
It might have been economically troublesome for the whole country but at least they all got creative and still kept having decent amounts of fun, running their little businesses, owning less than 6 pairs of shoes, oh my.
Im sorry Im just so fucking sentimental right now. It catches up with me every 3 months or so. When I read a Polish book, like I am now, and it's just so easy. it's easy to express yourself through the references one was born into, you dont have to compare and imagine what you are in this society. fuck. yea i guess people in general are all the same. yet we're not. when i step outside of that Gdansk Polish Airport, I feel home. The air smells so ... right. Familiar. People's emotions get to me, my family gets to me, I dont filter it. I just react to it without previously examining it. It is a wonderful experience. I miss all of you. Our fun. Our family thing, how hot tempered we are, how fucking anxious and tense we always are. How right we always must be, but how easily we can make fun of ourselves. I love all of you,
Mia

*

heligoland, real good, real happy about it

its only wednesday

feel like an energizer bunny sans the batteries. what's wrong with me? dont know.
ache. ache. ache. perfect timing, too. pain. yea lets do this during the most stressful time of the year. that's definitely a very adult behavior on its part. i keep referring to myself as it, i know, mind over matter.
get your shit together, ok im trying. right now i wanna crawl into a dark void and hear nothing but silence.

need mother's caresses

day in and day out

you wander like a snake

why i do not know

cannot express my ache.

make yourself important

and stay here for a season

see how much i shall endure

your bother for no reason.

Carine

My darling Carine Roitfeld,

 my inspiration - here's to your health,

good luck in your future endevours.

You are one hell of a woman

it's 4 34 am on a sunday, feel like rhyming?

Sometimes I yearn to be a superwoman,

other times I stop caring.

Sometimes I'll have salmon,

other times pickled herring.

Fixed eyes on the prize

tough love and demise.

**

want to listen to her speak for hours

my doodles

dont pay attention to them, theyre no good. one day ill get myself adobe illustrator and make super pictures.

thursday

today i dont have to open our cafe so im golden, woke up at 7am (its considered 'sleep in' these days), made coffee, i am now making morning buns, but something stuck to the bottom of the oven so its really smoky in the kitchen. turned on all the ceiling fans in the apartment so the fire thingy wouldnt go off and wake up Bear. morning buns are good especially when unexpected. being woken up by an annoying beep ruins the whole surprise effect.

i fueled myself up, got about 9 hrs of sleep and im ready for anything. anything.

its important, i think, to be generous or kind when its inconvenient, especially then. it really polishes one's character.



Sanny

blued

that's no fortune cookie

A plate of macaroons brightens up a girl's day



Presuming to know is a disease



sandy

winter et cetera

Winter came, as expected, rough and white so far. Hot oatmeal and coffee in the morning, the smell of radiators in our apartment - this good familiar feeling, keeping me from whining.
I vowed not to comment negatively about the weather this year. As long as I choose to live in the Midwest I won't be one of those people.
Don't care for my own or your winter blues anymore, up your dose if necessary.
Started reading The Early Diary of Anais Nin, that will take me about 6 months to complete (sarcasm), considering my promotion at work and other teeny little things that seem to always pop up just when you thought you took care of everything.

The holiday season is tough for me, don't really understand why it should be but it is. Its stresses come from all directions it seems. Instead of celebrating, we anticipate nervously for that one day, and then, bloated and resignated, we reach for the hopeful resolutions, that are supposed to turn our life around. People really are amusing to me. Myself included. We take everything so seriously, as if it all matters in the end. Make as many connections as possible is our slogan.

So one of the helpful things (to me at least) is to keep your 'activities' list dense, not stopping because of the change of seasons, wear appropriate winter wear, hat, gloves, all that good stuff. There is a reason mating comes about in the warm seasons, you can't see much of the product you're about to buy underneath all those layers. So dress warm. Believe me, at least in Chicago, people aren't looking at each other. Not like that at least, and not in the winter. Too busy, busy busy. Too much stuff. Too much going on. Ahh. Almost got negative there, gotta keep myself in check!

One more thing: adjust your 'look' to the weather if you feel compromised, it won't work for you otherwise. Take a cue from this wonderfully cozy looking lass --->

exuding sexiness without sacrificing comfort.

That's my idea of attractive.

comfort

II

Nikita was gloomy because he desperately wanted some vodka, and the only other thing that could satisfy his craving was tea, which no one has yet given him.

Finally, carefully pouring his tea into the saucer, he began warming his fingers, perpetually swollen from hard work, in the steam. Then, biting off a tiny bit of sugar, he bowed to his hosts, saying "Your health", and sucked up the warm drink.

again with Ivan Ilyich. cant get over it.

Ivan Ilyich married.
But for no evident reason,it seemed to him, his wife began disrupting the ease and propriety of his life. She demanded his attentions, found fault with everything, and made rude, disagreeable scenes.

 "Take some opium". He cosented and drank it.She went away.

He was in an oppressive state of unconsciousness till three in the morning. It seemed to him that he and his pain were being painfully pushed into a long, narrow black sack, pushed in deeper and deeper, and yet it could not be pushed right through; he struggles against it, and he tries to help. And suddenly he tore free, and fell, and came to himself



friday

tsbeen a long week, and Im not just saying that